Saturday, November 22, 2008
Depressed Dog Claims Impending Doom
This just in from our source on the ground. Local dog depressed over eminent demise.
Exclusive interview indicates formerly happy dog acknowledges that his end is near. Dog states, "I used to be loved... Until they brought home the screaming midget human terror. I have been on the outside looking in ever since." The dog, known as Tonka, insists that the newest addition to his family is "out to get him" and has made repeated threats on his life. The screaming midget human terror, known colloquially as baby, was unavailable for comment, apparently busy taking a nap. The dog concludes that he felt safe while the baby was immobile, able to "stay out of his murderous clutches" but is now unable to sleep as he has witnessed the baby crawl and knows it is only a matter of time until the baby is able to realize his terrible plans. At this time no evil doing has been reported. Dog is sleeping with one eye open.